So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im holly from the hills drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
