and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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