Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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