i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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