i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
