I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
