so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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