I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
