i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
