mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
