I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
