All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
