just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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