pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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