Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
