Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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