Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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