What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
