Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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