Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
