We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
