Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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