You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
