After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i out mim tonsoeep
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