Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
