"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
