Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
