I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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