Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
