I just pynch a tree in the face
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
