umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We got so high we made milksteak
You left your underwear on the fireplace
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
