Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
