Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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