Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You smell like stripper and shame
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
