Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
