even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
