she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
