i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
