I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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