you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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