his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
