i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm passing your future prison.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
