I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
