don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
