There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
