I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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