The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
