my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost the right to judge tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
