I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
