hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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