so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
