We need to rekindle our bromance
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
