I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
