So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
