Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
