shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
